Flotsam. Is that me, now?

Rusty, weary and nervous... Very freaking nervous.

I've spent a LOT of time and effort at work... a LOT of patience... a LOT of waiting.

I've spent a LOT of time and effort on so many things. Personal spaces, life, professional relationships, relationships...

And while at this moment it feels like i've got nothing to show, i know that's not entirely true. Yet, i feel like i haven't done enough... I feel rusty.

I've been making errors with contracts over the last couple of months. I've been waiting and passing time on facebook and youtube during office hours cos there's been little else to do! In fact a day spent reading reports tends to feel productive, while actually it should be something i do in my spare time to be extra prepared. I feel rusty. I feel restless and this can't be good for my work.

I feel that way about my personal life too sometimes.

Ok, so the logical mind is saying take it easy... don't panic. It doesn't help. Breathe.

Breathe.

It'll happen. It will.

Breathe. Ok now come on, show me a light. I need clarity.

I'm not enjoying this flotsam type feeling. But then again, every moment has a lesson. So, this is one to be learnt.

Even flotsam, moves in the direction of the tide. Even flotsam has a centre of gravity.

Whoooosa! :)