As is evident from the title, my Hindi sucks... but i'm sometimes stuck with this feeling and then I end up just brushing it aside and moving on. Moving on with my day. Moving on with life. Moving on with other emotions that engage.
What do I do about things that can't be changed. Or emotions that I just can't act upon. Emotions that linger with no purpose...
My friend Arvind passed away really suddenly on Dec 1st 2017. He was fit, healthy, newly married and most of all - a universally loved guy. It still baffles me how someone,, like him at age 31 would have to leave us. So much happiness this soul had to spread. He was a good guy - and I'm not just saying that because he isn't with us anymore.
Initially, I didn't really process this. I wasn't overcome by grief. Instead, I felt the need to either be a support and empathize with people around me OR just move on without. stopping.. to... think.
Only two weeks later, at his remembrance celebration, was I overcome by grief. In many ways, it still lingers. It's more a deep sense of sadness now. Grief numbed by time. And the need to move on. It creeps up on me in random moments like an old friend one bumps into when walking on the street... Sometimes, you stop to chat, sometimes it's awkward and exchange a word or two... and sometimes you pretend not to notice and continue walking.
But, atleast I have the choice of being able to function. Of being able to walk on. Of being able to carry my cross. My heart always goes out to his dearest ones on whose shoulders this weight must rest far more heavily.
I fear this crushing force sometimes. But it is important to recognize the inevitable. In fact, I hope I have a heavier cross to bear rather than the people around me.
We all move on. At our own pace. It's surely a good thing. Moving on is good. But yet they also say it's good to let the emotion soak in you - only so that you can move on properly. For his dearest friends, there must be moments when they ask themselves why they must move on. Everyday to ask yourself "What would Arvind feel like today?"
"What would Arvind have said to me in this situation?"
"How would Arvind have woken up this morning?"
"Would he have liked coffee or tea today?"
How to let this pain go. How to fill this empty space. How to forget the memories. I guess time will obviously ensure all of the above. But it's a funny tug-of-war... subconsciously there's a need to move on and let go while simultaneously, subconsciously there's also a need to hang on and always remember.
I hope and pray that the pain eases for all those it burdens. I hope and pray his joy and warmth soothes and comforts those upon whom he had showered. I hope and pray we can all smile and laugh and spread happiness in his afterglow.
What do I do about things that can't be changed. Or emotions that I just can't act upon. Emotions that linger with no purpose...
My friend Arvind passed away really suddenly on Dec 1st 2017. He was fit, healthy, newly married and most of all - a universally loved guy. It still baffles me how someone,, like him at age 31 would have to leave us. So much happiness this soul had to spread. He was a good guy - and I'm not just saying that because he isn't with us anymore.
Initially, I didn't really process this. I wasn't overcome by grief. Instead, I felt the need to either be a support and empathize with people around me OR just move on without. stopping.. to... think.
Only two weeks later, at his remembrance celebration, was I overcome by grief. In many ways, it still lingers. It's more a deep sense of sadness now. Grief numbed by time. And the need to move on. It creeps up on me in random moments like an old friend one bumps into when walking on the street... Sometimes, you stop to chat, sometimes it's awkward and exchange a word or two... and sometimes you pretend not to notice and continue walking.
But, atleast I have the choice of being able to function. Of being able to walk on. Of being able to carry my cross. My heart always goes out to his dearest ones on whose shoulders this weight must rest far more heavily.
I fear this crushing force sometimes. But it is important to recognize the inevitable. In fact, I hope I have a heavier cross to bear rather than the people around me.
We all move on. At our own pace. It's surely a good thing. Moving on is good. But yet they also say it's good to let the emotion soak in you - only so that you can move on properly. For his dearest friends, there must be moments when they ask themselves why they must move on. Everyday to ask yourself "What would Arvind feel like today?"
"What would Arvind have said to me in this situation?"
"How would Arvind have woken up this morning?"
"Would he have liked coffee or tea today?"
How to let this pain go. How to fill this empty space. How to forget the memories. I guess time will obviously ensure all of the above. But it's a funny tug-of-war... subconsciously there's a need to move on and let go while simultaneously, subconsciously there's also a need to hang on and always remember.
I hope and pray that the pain eases for all those it burdens. I hope and pray his joy and warmth soothes and comforts those upon whom he had showered. I hope and pray we can all smile and laugh and spread happiness in his afterglow.
