An unworthy homage to an unconditional friend

Saraswati Lollipop, my cat, passed away this morning. It was completely unexpected, accidental and suddenly it feels strange to even imagine a place called home without her.

She was the most curious and affectionate cat I'd come across - with an insane need to investigate anything that looked 'investigate-able'. She wouldn't let me out of her sight from the moment I'd enter home till the moment I'd leave... waiting patiently by my side in bed to following me into the loo to purring softly every time I carried her to getting excited and getting excessively playful every time we played together. It's difficult to know I wont be seeing her dashing ahead of me playfully in sheer excitement and bumping into something as she lost her balance as I walk around the house... 

She was special to me. She loved me. Unconditionally. She was a street cat whom a friend rescued and nursed to good health. She had been with me for only a couple of years. We used to play a strange game - every morning I would crumple one or two flyers from the newspaper and throw them on the ground around the house. Inevitably she would end up pushing these paper balls around and entertaining herself. She also took great pains in keeping Solomon (my other cat) on his toes by constantly 'blading' him to play. Off late, she seemed to get her 'kicks' from moth-hunting. 

You may have or may not have known her but she was something :)

No matter how badly I want or how how much I regret anything I cant change that she's gone.

So while I write this largely to share my love for her (and wash away some of the regret I feel) I also wanted to remind you, my dear friend, that we all have people and friends whom we should love unconditionally. And as definite as there is life, so is it's end. But in the in-between, take a moment, take many, as often as you can, to show these special friends that you love them. Unconditionally. 

And you should know, loving unconditionally is a very difficult thing. And there may be logistical and physical constraints from sharing this love. It's okay. It's honestly the thought that counts. And love has a way... of finding it's way.

Funnily, two or three nights ago, I had a dream (!!!) where she fought off a large tiger to save me as I ran away! I woke that morning and the days to come feeling so warm and protected by her - as silly as that sounds.

Saraswati - thank you for everything. Rest in peace. You are missed already.

Chasing Rainbows...

A couple of days back a friend asked me why I had so few things I was passionate about... That seemed like a strange thing for anyone to ask ME... well, atleast to me. At the time...

(well, actually, that's not exactly what she said... she actually called me "lacking in content"!!!)

And then it got me thinking...  listen to any song n you'll figure that love, heartbreak, girls/boys etc are huge inspiration n all but as I thought about it I realised that I'd very few 'activities' that I was into that I was actually genuinely involved in and passionate about anymore... 

I am easily one of the most intense, passionate and involved people I know. So, then why this predicament? Why even the need to ponder upon what may seem like a silly flake-y question? Because... There, could be some truth in the statement. In the process of life's priorities (read paying the bills and generally attending to the near and dear ones), romance, heartbreak, intoxication and rediscovering some level of self-worth I may have lost some of that magic. I may have set it aside temporarily. So, what're the things I enjoy doing... the things I like doing for myself. Not just to be sounding intelligent in some kinda conversation... The little things. And the big things.

Here's an effort to recollect. To remember. To reawaken.

(Gosh, I love lists)

• Movies... I still love them... I guess in many ways this still remains to be one of my biggest passions...
• Sports... Playing sports such as basketball, football and squash. I've had this pastime taken away from me recently over the last six months or so due to health (jaundice and then a torn knee ligament which is being really stubborn about healing!) but I hope to get playing fit soon. I really enjoy my playtime... there's something to be said about the amazing ability it has to make me feel. No matter what mood I'm in, a good game leaves me charged. I guess you could also put working out and staying fit in this category. This is a big category!
• Food... I totally still got this :-) 
• Mind Games... I loved puzzles and mind tests. I still do. I must pursue this more.
• Music... I really love listening to good music. i sorta decided somewhere along the way to not spend too much energies into sourcing new and different music but I now feel like I must... I really need to. It's one of those things that i've fooled myself into since I'm never really sure on what I'm missing out on... Maybe it's time to invest in an ipod.
• Paragliding... I loved doing my first level course. I must do my second sometime soon. I also need to go skydiving!
• Friends and Family... Spending quality time with them. Helping them. Understanding them. Interacting with them. I totally still got this but I probably need to interact with them more meaningfully socially... I wonder why 90% of hanging out with friends involves alcohol (which I still love even though we've temporarily parted ways)... or movies or dinner... What are the different fun things that people can do together and speak about.
• Life Goals... and achieving them. I wonder what happened to some of these. I guess sometimes its important to focus on some things and set some things aside so that others can be achieved. But its important for me to re-fraternize with some of these... like the restaurant or the school (well, you may not know what I'm talking about... but I do!).
• Health... well, I'm not doing too badly here now... But there's always room for improvement. And I've got to take good care of myself consistently... No taking anything for granted.
• Traveling with friends and family... while I've been doing this a fair bit. I guess there's always room for more... But this has been happening quite a bit actually...
• Making a Difference... I know this is sorta covered under life goals but I guess I want to just reiterate
• Challenges... I like challenges of various kinds. I just like the idea of having to prepare and train myself for them. It's how I approach some of my tasks and stuff...
• This blog - see! I'm writing for me again!

So that's about it for now. I may add to this list. But for now, what can I say... It's good to be back. 

And Chasing Rainbows...